Poetic Thoughts
by journeyHK826
Summary: He wants her back. She needs him back. Can they break the walls between them?  HITSU-KARIN ; Has NO dialogue, poem-like... Read as if you are the characters themselves. WARNING: has some touchiness and language; R&R please!
1. I should know

This is my first time actually creating something with a purpose of letting other people read. Please be nice. Oh, but please do Review and critique this. I want to improve. Also, I need help in some of the details. I'm not sure where this should take place. I don't want Hitsugaya Toshiro(HT) to be a shinigami. I want this to be in modern time but don't know what kind of position HT should be. It should be high. Any other suggestions are highly wanted too!

Sincerely, journeyHK826

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_**I should know**_

I should know…

What it feels like to love, to hide it, and to savor it.

Her hair, so black and smooth…grown past her gently sloped shoulders

Her eyes deep as the ocean deep

Everything about her traps me

I wish to be free…from her?

No…that would only be more miserable for me.

I sit here. I wonder, smile, cry and get tired…of her.

Her hands are intertwined with…

Her dark colored eyes gazes at …with her smiles.

Her passive attitude is much more attractive

I wish to hold her. Capture her.

She is different

She can wear anything

Still, she grasps me in her small pale hands without even knowing

Even if-not her heart, I wish to steal her. One night would be enough.

Skin to skin.

Even time for a second with her would be fine…

This shouldn't be like this…

I had a chance. A chance I could hold her. Trap her into this world of never ending labyrinth. It's torture.

She can handle it. Her strong attitude and personality is what makes her so damn special.

I need her. I want her.

This is pointless. Is that…that better than him.

Were there any thoughts of him when she chose that…to stand next to her and to caress her?

Hope..i should not have any. Its something that is forbidden.

She asked me too. If I should take her or will. She asked me if I was JUST playing with her.

That was a knife stab for me. It was painful.

It wasn't like that…

Not anymore. When it was "then" it was idiocity that led me to her. But that "incident" is something that brought her to me.

I had her heart. Once…but its not enough.

My pain is empty because of her, and her new…person.

It's not her fault. I should not blame. I made her sad. In pain and in tears.

I saw her cry. I saw her tears falling, never ending tears. The hurt in her eyes… that pain I gave her.

It's ALL my fault. Not her me…

I should know…


	2. It's my fault

*I want your opinion if I should continue this way of telling the story. Please tell me if this is confusing or not? Also, I will be writing a few more chapters so you can read it and see if you like it, but if it is not appealing and many want me to discontinue it I will. I really want to know if I should continue it or not. I have another story plot line for HT and KK (just in case), so, if this one doesn't stand out please tell me (honestly) tell me if I should stop or continue. *

Sincerely, journeyHK826

P.S-also if you don't know... just in case. this is now KARIN. (it will go back and forth from Toshiro to Karin) Thanks for reading!

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**My fault**

It feels disgusting, it's abominable, his touch, it burns.

Where is he? Is he here? My hands are sweaty. This is uncomfortable.

I don't like this…he's not…_him_

Will he come back? This feels wrong…

But there is no choice. I feel sick. Empty. Without him, I don't know…am I alive or dead?

…has gray hair but its close enough to him. I can replace _him_ with him.

Just for a little while. Until it gets too far, but that's won't happen. This is the 10th. his favorite number is 10.

Can I?

Can I replace him for his brilliant snow white hair? Can I replace his lips with these lips…?

It's disgusting…defiling

It seems so far. Is it like Romeo and Juliet? No…

It's far worse.

He will never know. Me and these emotions... It's running amok…

I need to be free. But can I be, actually, BE free. From his charms his spell?

I am plain. No, I am even worse.

Just not good enough… never will be…can I?

Is he even in this city? Does he wonder where she is? Where I am?

Will he know what she is thinking? What about me?

Will he even care? DOEs he care?

Now, am feeling worse. His hands are annoying…it never ends. Just keeps moving. I feel disgusting

I NEED a shower. I'm in a dire state. I'm desperate.

Not for anyone else. But him

He's not here. So far, and so close but it's impossible.

can I find him there? again? What if he turns away again? It will hurt too much.

Just maybe, oh just maybe, if I can find someone anyone with the same eyes. The beautiful, turquoise eyes; His cold and captivating eyes that pulls me. And just maybe a smile that is none other than a LIKE HIS...

If I go into a different country continent, will I be able to find someone with his descriptions…

Will _he_ ever come back…?

That prevert leaves…finally. Can I go back? It doesn't matter. I leave and arrive home. I see the worry in her eyes.

I tell her not to worry. My sister worries but that does not help me at all. I have a new…person. But is he enough?

He comforts me. With his new hair he replaces…him

I can still feel the burns. The placed where he snaked his hands were burning. Too possessive...

I didn't like it. Not at all.

Does _he_ like to do what that person did?

Would he push me? Against the wall? With force?

Will he see me again?

Or am I asking too much of him? Is it?

I'm not worth it. Not then, nor will I ever be.

Oh, if I can just take that as the simple truth and let it go. Forget. I wish.

Every day, every night I regret and hate. Who? Me, him, that person, her…

Her…she is pretty. Gentle. But she has black hair. Don't I?

I never or will ever like her. She is not for him. But he does not want _me._

It's disgusting how she called him. How vexing it was. But what can I do? Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

It was impossible.

If only the past could be gone. Destroyed completely from sight.

It is impossible and disgusting. The past. Is it my fault?

Possibly. Probably it was.

I wasn't, no, I'm not good enough. It is hard… I wish I can change.

Into her…then maybe he will look up and feel who I am.

Who I am is what describes me. He comforted me with that. His green eyes looking at me with utmost concern and seriousness amused, no, captivated me.

He said I should not have to change. That I am perfect. Then I wonder, why did you leave _me_?

The tears…? When did they come?

I was fine. Strong and still walking forward with arrogance and being ignorant of the people around me.

It's disgusting. Who or what?

I was. I am.

She cries when I cry. Poor sister of mine. The gentle one, she cared and thought about her, me.

His burrowed brow showed his concern. But if, when he will be told of the past, his will and the protective brother suit will come and try to cover her with his help and violence. His hair grew. Orange and messy but there is something off.

Terribly off…with him. He is tired…and seems a little weak.

That isn't right. Even the house is quiet.

Even several years ago he passed away. When that happened, all the noise and idiocy was taken with him.

Missing him hurts. Why? Because he was the dad she was annoyed with, the dad, who kicks his own son at random. Because she never had a proper talk with him after that "incident".

It was all her fault.

I'm disgusting.

It's my fault. If I was a better person, If only I did not fall in love.

If I had quit when I began to fall and notice my emotions. I should have known it would end badly.

She should have known.

Why because the she was much smarter, keened and faster than me.

She lost weight.

She became me, I.

How odd. I find it disgusting. A horrible mistake, I cannot be her…

Her hair became long and thinning of her originally obsidian color.

She became me…

All because of my stupid mistakes.

It's her fault.

She caused it.

I caused it. We could have stopped it. Before this pain and before the _beginning._

It hurts, the chest, her chest. It hurts and it won't stop. I can't breathe. Help her!

It's my fault

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It's over 1000 words! heheh im proud of myself.

Iwill update as soon as I can. I am almost done with chapter three. It'll probably take most a week to upload upon stories. I WILL promise that! UNLESS I have finals. If that is the case. I will upload double when I come back. :)

Thank you for reading!- journeyHK826


	3. NOTICE!

*notice*

before you read the next one chapter/continuation...

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I'm sorry that I won't be able to update more chapters until winter break, it will start in Dec. 17. I really want to raise my APES grade up. so, because of this I will be on break, until it get to winter break. don't worry though it won't be a complete two weeks. I will be back on Friday with chapter 4. I am almost done with chapter four and just need to re-read it and make sure its good to go. I'm really sorry for the break but during my two week winter break I will upload like crazy! I'll do a super christmas story since its so soon.

Enjoy the third continuation!

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if there are anything you would like in here please tell me! anything is welcome... as long as its hitsukarin...

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-journeyHK826-


	4. Empty Room

Empty Room (HT)

The walls they're cold.

Will it ever end?

The endless cold, it surrounds both of us. Here in this dreadful place.

This world, my world, is falling apart. She cries. I cry.

It hurts, he silent cries as tears fall stabs my chest over ad over again.

Her window, it's open. Always is…

She doesn't change. Not at all, she is she.

I miss her.

Her presence in my room…my life, I miss it.

Walking in the night, its silent. I dread to leave her alone in that dark room.

But, I dread to go to her and ask her. Ask her the question that I can't say.

So, I leave, walking heavily…

No, I shouldn't say. And as a result I will not say.

It starts to snow. I loved the snow.

Loved…the past

the past is her. Not anyone else or thing, but her. She is my past and future.

I hate it. That's the time I saw her, met her and her sister.

Then later I saw her again. Walking with a man, with messy orange hair, they seemed close. How odd.

But can I say that? No, my own hair is white...my eyes, a green turquoise. can you call it teal...?

But they were close. Jealousy…?

Why? I did not know her then. but i wanted to, know her, more than anyone else.

But I know it, that was what I felt.

That feeling, of anger, want and mixes of others. How human. How dumb.

How like _me._ Just like my icy personality like the emptiness of my room, my heart.

How stupid. Why do think of this? Why do you ask for more?

I shouldn't…it is stupid.

I should think more.

Think more…of what?

Her?

Me?

Or that person who ruined it, the girl I knew.

She was kind but she was stupid and dense.

I should not judge her or blame her…

It's my fault.

My icy-like attutude that pushed her farther away from me.

My lover, and my only was different. No, she is different.

She is the one who captivated me.

Into love, and into human emotions.

It hurts. She broke it down in one glance.

The years that I took to build that wall to make people go away, it got broken. It shattered

One glance from her. One touch from her and it broke.

In an instance, it vanished and something new was created.

But now the creation is getting deprived of its needs.

Physically, mentally and emotionally…

Even this cold room doesnot suit me anymore. Why?

I designed it. For me, to suit me and so that I could be comfortable.

A haven, a synagogue for me.

But it's now different. I want to share it

With her presence, the air around her.

Take me away, the pain, it would go away if she was there.

Here, in this place. Come.

If only she would come...

A knock…on the door.

What now? Who can it be? Her? No can't be. She is there crying. She will never enter this place again.

Even i know that...

She promised it. But, a hopeless guy like me can hope right?

Hopefully and with doubt I open the door. _She_ is there.

How dreadful. I'm sure it is because of her that my love can't be relighted.

How odd.

The girl in the showy dress used to be my everything, my hope and my dream.

But, I met her, my girl with raven hair. It's not black it is a deep black hue with a tint of little blue.

That's what I see.

The girl that completes me.

She who has soft gray eyes...

She is opposite of me. Different and utterly captivating.

To my eyes, this girl in front of me, angers me.

If she didn't return. If she stayed with that bastard.

I would have…would have…

A future. A child or more, a life, so sensual and with joy that will captivate me. It will fill me with joy and pure bliss.

Her sweet voice would call me. And maybe my child's name. we could…could have combined it.

I stare at this girl. She looks at me. How odd of me?

I can't see this girl the same anymore. She is nothing to me.

The many years of relations was gone. All released. Only one remained; a hatred that burns for her.

She looks apologetic. I can see it in her eyes…

But do I care? Can I forgive her?

Forgive her for all the pain she caused to her…

The sadness and tears that fell from me and her, can just one word from _her_ fix it all?

How empty. It's a void. Nothing, means nothing in this place.

Just like this cold room it's empty.

She comes in.

Enters the place…why?

Then, I leave. Why should I stay here?

I see no reason to. also, I do not want to go further down. Then how will I ever ask her for her caress and love again?

I have to redeem myself. I must.

She will know. My love and thoughts are only hers...

There is hope. Possibly even in this empty room.

Maybe she will fill this place with her love again.

It's cold. Maybe I should have gotten a jacket. Oh well. Might as well freeze.

The snow how pretty. Loved the cold. Or is it water drops. Can't tell.

I arrive at her house again. Shit…

Her window is open.

Is she awake? Is she? Hope not.

I wish to look at her at rest.

Its morning. I guess…probably 2am.

It's easy. Always was.

I see her.

How beautiful. How gentle. So exotic.

What contrast to her usual self.

A fire at sleep is calm and nice. That describes her.

How beautiful.

How hypnotic.

I wish I can hold her again.

My heart is filled again. With what though?

Love or need? Or possibly both?

She's beautiful. Isn't she cold?

The blanket covering her is white.

my love is fiery, stubborn and rough

one touch...just one touch.

Can I stop?

She refills my empty room.

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Here is the third chapter. it took longer than i thought it would take. i'm hoping to bring chapter 4 up soon. There is soooo much stuff to do. yeesh darn teachers! always squuezing things before breaks. well. till next time! oh if you want anything seen in later chapters please do ask and tell!

-journeyHK826


	5. To This Dream

**_Attention _the characters do NOT belong to me. It belongs to Tite Kubo.**

**Special thanks to meggie-moo s and xBleachxAddictx for the review/comment/questions! **

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**To This Dream (KK)**

How cold?

How warm…? Why?

How is it possible that it would change?

Tired. I just fell asleep, so why do I feel the urge to wake up.

It itches a lot, the side just below my chest

Urgh… why ? why now. I don't need this.

I miss him…again…

Still do.

It's cold.

Everywhere but my face and my neck…why?

How weird. It feels…nice.

Gentle and sweet. Sweet and gentle.

Am I dreaming?

Dreaming this sweet touch.

I wish time would stop. Here right now, forever not moving, I want that.

Stupid time, it will always change and move on.

It will never go back a page or a sec.

How gentle…

It stops. I hold my hand out…searching.

Anything. Around me, something to hold…

I wonder if I am going insane.

Though my sanity was gone long ago, I thought that I could hold on to myself and not be so yearning him.

I mutter his name…

Did I though? In reality did I?

It stopped why? Don't stop. Keep going…

Before the cold comes back and before the ice creeps up back to my whole body, take me away.

How foolish…why am I talking this way. Who am I asking?

The darkness? It could take me away. The light bothers me at times.

It's been long. Since I felt a man's touch caress me.

I want this to go on…

How smooth. It is smooth but hard like marble.

Is it warm or is it cold?

This feels _right_, makes me sane…but when he does it it's disgusting and gross

I want this feeling to last if I could sleep forever now. In this everlasting dream and hope…

It's nostalgic, this touch…

It's exactly like him.

Who are you? Are you here to take me away? Did I pass to the other side before my eyes drifted closed...

How do you know what to do to make me go insane.

To make me feel this way, who are you?

Are you a magician?

The way the magic moves against me. You are no?

Just like the first with him…

You know how to move me. you know how to put pressure to make me feel like doing anything for you. To beg, to ask for more.

Its slow and hesitant, waiting for permission.

I can feel my breast's tips hardening as cold air is introduced.

So real…don't know…

Hands? Ropes? String?

If it is tender and gentle.

How sweet…I hope it never ends.

I want to shout. I want who…what to know my needs, my want.

I can feel the warmth everywhere. The coldness leaves.

Am I alive?

Don't wake up.

Don't wake up.

Stay asleep. Forever, here, frozen from time and reality.

Take it in. you haven't had this pleasure in many months…over a year…

Let it take you away. Away from here. Away from the pain. Give in to the pain, the pleasure and bliss. Just let it be him. I wonder after I will feel better…

Ah…

It's slowly teasing.

Who is it? Or what?

My back arches…I can feel the tension at my head...

Ah

How sweet and alluring…keep going.

Tease me, devour me.

Keep taking me further and further away.

Don't use your hand…

Do you hear me? Can you hear me?

Don't bring it longer and longer and give me what I want. What I need.

Only the tips of my toes are cold but they are warming.

This warmth takes me in.

It slowly enters. How nice. How real…

Is this a dream? If not…no it can't be.

If it is real, I will be horrified. Who can it be?

Can't be him. No then…him?

_NO_! I shudder at the thought…in my dream or real? I can't tell...

I hold of this idea, this pleasure…I push…

It doesn't work…what strength and lust.

I push, it plunge…

Am I falling? It feels nice the air? I want to breathe.

Is it weird that I am not suffocating?

It goes faster…it drives me insane. So much change. So much charge and power, it's with every motion. So much need in each thrust. Who can this be? Why are you here?

Will you come again?

To this dream? To this world…to take me again in this blissful road…say my name…

Do you know it? Please say it. Say it before the release. I can't handle it anymore. Say you will come again. To my dream…so you can take me again for a blissful night.

Take my memories of him away and replace the touch of him away.

Take it away. I don't know if I can handle myself going lower and lower.

I want, no, I need to stay here.

In this dream, I can rest and stop thinking…about him…

Come again…

To this dream…

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_Hello._ I'm finally back and am super TIRED! I need to sleep. Well I am back, though I will still be busy, I will be uploading quickly and doubly to make up for the lost two weeks! Thanks for reading and please review. Tell me what you don't like, or what you **do** like. It helps a lot! I know this is a short chapter but the next 'thought' will be posted **tomorrow or the next day. **Thanks.

-journeyHK826-


	6. Her Voice

I'm back! (well, I decided that I will just upload it now. WARNING: there maybe mistakes!; Please R&R)Yes, but sometimes I hate going into vacation! The teacher always crams everything together and makes me do much more work than they always do. But, hey, that's life as a student. SIGH!-journeyHK826

So this is a little summary below if you don't remember but if you do or want to read on…just skip it!

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Hitsugaya Toshiro is watching a girl. That girl whom he is watching is Karin Kurosaki. She is with her boyfriend. To Toshiro she is having fun and enjoying her time with him. Toshiro wants her to say his name not the other person's name. He mostly describes her and how attracted he is to her and how much he wishes he is with her instead of the current boyfriend. As her disgusting boyfriend leave her in front of her house he still looks for her. He soon sees Karin crying through her window. He thinks about how painful it must be for her because of him. He basically blames himself for not being able to be with Karin and stop her tears.

Karin misses him and wonders about him. He is always on her mind. Even when she is with her boyfriend, who has gray hair, she is thinking about him. She feels disgusted because her boyfriend is very touchy. After her boyfriend leaves she meets her brother and sister. They are both worried about her. She notices how much she had affected her family. She laments on how she is adding more weight to both Yuzu and Ichigo when they were still, she was sure, sad about their father's death. She goes up saying to herself that she will try harder to forget about Toshiro and be happy with her young gray haired man. She cries and cries at first silently and then much louder. She cries until she is too tired and falls asleep.

Toshiro at his house still thinks about Karin and how they could have been but isn't. He recalls how filled his life was when Karin was with him. The empty room can also be viewed as a physical form of his icy, cold heart. Then his first love, Momo, comes in a beautiful dress. She goes in his house. He can only stare absent mindedly and leaves his house, seeing that he has no reason to stay at his house. He walks back to Karin's house and climb the house where her window. Being easily reachable and walk able because of the roof he looks in her room and notices her window is open and goes in. he sees her and makes a move…

Karin she is asleep. And half conscious, she doesn't know if it is a dream or if it is real. She takes is as a dream and wishes all the touch and pleasure is a dream and something created by her. She feels a kiss and she continuously asks if it will come back into her dream again. She asks this dream to come again so that she can breathe again and feel less heavy with all the guilt, sadness and heartbreak. Then…

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Here is the chapter/continuation into the story.

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**Her voice…(HT)**

Her voice.

It is amazing.

Its' strong and sweet.

Gentle and high

What a voice.

I never will have a chance to hear her like this again..

Will I?

Do I want to? _Yes_. To the end of the world I wish to hear her again.

Say my name.

In your sleep, in your dream what happens? What goes in your mind as you are peacefully sleeping?

Do I come out? Ever? Or is it about _him_ whom you have.

You have _me_, no? But why does he hang around you?

why do you ignore me? Why did you throw me away so easily?

I don't understand.

I push for more, thrust for more. I want her to moan. I want her to scream.

I want _you_.

What muffled sound. It covers her beautiful voice.

It's much softer, so sweet and seductive.

Don't wake up. Don't open your eyes.

I want to hear your voice on and on. Forever and ever.

Your skinny waist and your toned stomach...

Is this what he saw? Is this what he touched?

I don't like it. not at all.

If you don't wake, will I have you like this forever. I don't want to sleep. I just want to stay like this, holding you.

But…I want to see your gray eyes and let my odd colored pupils be captured by you, again.

Wake up...

Don't wake up.

Keep making sweet sounds. Make the most of my nights…

Take me away.

Let me take you away into a deep pleasure. _Let me._

Do you know? How sweet it is? How gentle you move. How you arch your back. It's the same.

Why is it the same. The habits I taught, the way I made you move, it is the same.

It stayed the same. What joy?

You are pure from _his _touch...

I can see your breath because of the cold air, surrounding us.

It's heavy almost solid.

Open your mouth, I want to explore again...

With your mouth.

Say my name. Say it again and again. Let me hear it from you.

Your voice, not anyone else, let me hear it again.

With your voice.

I don't want to go back.

Your voice is like a chain. Trapping me. Holding me in place.

I wish time would freeze. I wish time would freeze and let us be. Stuck here with you, touching you, stroking you.

All to hear your sweet pleas.

I need it. I want it…

_Badly_

You know I do. And I will always need it.

Can't you tell?

How I yearn?

For more than your voice, I desire for it. For now, it is enough. Silently i watch. Silently I thrust.

Into you.

In you.

With you...

In your room, I remember.

Your laughter ringing in my ears. How you smile? How you laughed?

With me and at me, you laughed and grinned, eyes glittering. Its was gentle and bliss.

Your voice I still remember it. Even if I try to listen to the most d\seductive pleas and voice, I don't care. I yearn for you. I need you.

I want it…in a radio.

Only for me, my ears, so that only my name comes from your lips.

Your lips. How red, so juicy. How soft. Just as I remember it.

So high and sugar. It's my drug. You are my drug.

I need it and I can't stop.

_Help me._

Only_ you_ can help. But, that would only cause more addiction.

Your moans are music.

Our bodies are instruments. a bow and a violin, the reed and clarinet...

It's late but I want the orchestra to go on. To last longer.

Until the morning comes, I want to continue.

Continue to hear your voice, continue to feel your walls, and continue to hear your heavy pants, and to listen and savor the way you say _his_ name.

_My_ name…say my name...

Don't wake up

I need you to sleep. I want you to rest. You are tired.

I can feel it. In your voice, how you react. It shows in your face.

How you keep it inside? Never expressing it in words through your mouth.

Come say it. Scream it. Shout it. Moan it. Whisper it.

Tell me how you feel, use your voice.

Tell me that you care.

Let me continue, so don't wake up.

I want to go on. I want you to be at peace. I want you to be at rest.

I feel your tension as it gets faster but I can't stop. I only hold your soft flesh, your waist to hold on to you more than ever.

I hear your voice. It encourages me until I'm at my limit.

My limit is coming...it's too soon. But that's what happens when you are in my mind.

Risking me, holding me, trapping me, seducing me.

You, without even trying you can do all these things. How cruel...but go on.

I lay next to you.

Your limp body. You released and so did I. You have this effect.

We are fine. My eyes are drooping. How?

It's bright and cold...

The sun is rising.

This isn't good. I stayed to long.

Had an all-nighter, but I was with her. It was worth it.

I can breathe now. Finally. After months of suffocation and after the endless nights in that empty room, I wanted to hear your voice.

After months and months of surpressing my desires...it is finally out. Finally

Your voice, not hers, to encourage me and say it's going to be fine.

At least _lie_ to me that you love me and you will forgive.

At least lie to me.

Tell me stories of _him…_

How he makes you feel good, better and just love…

Tell me…I can handle it. As long as I can hear your voice, sound and controlled, talk to me, voice directed at me. I can handle it.

I_ can_ hide it. All the emotions, you know I can. Bury it deep inside to forget when I wanted to.

I have done and can do it. But, listen to me, hear me out just this once.

Tell me. Talk to me in your voice. Say _my_ name

How sweet. I hear my name…

Say it again. softly and gently, with love and with lust...

With your voice, say it again.

If I keep wishing, will I get it? Oh, but I did, just now. So, what now?

I want to hear it again…

Again and again.

I should leave…but can I? I lost all my strength. I _want_ to stay here. Next to her sleeping form. Should I dress as she was?

I'm afraid. What if she wakes and I am still here. I won't be able to face her anger. No, that's not a problem. If anger passes and she comes to forgive me I can take it.

But…

It's the pain, the tears I can't face. I can't _bear_ to see her cry. Again.

Her sobs will break me apart. Remind myself how it's all because of me. I wasn't honest.

I _played_ with her.

I _tricked _her.

I _lied_ to her.

I gained her trust and ripped it apart

I'm a jerk. A bastard who can't even stop. Stop before she would get hurt.

But, then was different.

It was all because of _him_…

With his cocky voice he provoked me. Hi curly hair slicked back by gel…_disgusting_

That bastard who tricked him over and over again. To the girl he first had to the last girl he _still_ wanted.

_He _played a game and a placed a trap in front of him.

And he played along and got in this mess.

_He _was the one at fault. But _can_ I deny that it was _only _him? Even if I wanted to I can.

I _should_ have stopped after I won. I played at his game and won.

But I didn't stop when I should have. I should have but didn't. Am I still that immature?

So…did I still win in the end? Or did he win?

Who _exactly _won?

You were strong but I should have known that even you were still an innocent girl. A victim because of me, because of my actions you were cut. Perhaps even your future…

I wish I can hear you talk one last time.

_Soon._

Now?

Before I drift away.

I can't help it, my lids won't stay open.

I am going black. It's all a blur.

I just want to hear _your_ voice.

Her voice.

* * *

Thanks for reading! I will be back with more…as promised (tomorrow)! (total it is 2386-I'm content...even though it contains like me talking and the summary...)-journeyHK826


	7. Move

Enjoy!

* * *

**Move… ****(KK)**

It's bright and it's warm. I'm sure I left the window open.

Maybe I really am losing my mind.

_Am I?_

But does that mean I am imagining this. This warmth?

Next to me. I can _feel _it but is it just a dream?

If it is, I wish to feel the cold again. To know that he was here, he was there…in my life.

Am I still asleep? No...

Then why am I dreaming of _this_.

Where is the past dream of sweet warmth?

Is still a _dream_, a reminder of a never happening dream?

How many _times _have I hoped for this?

How _many _times have I gave up.

_How _many times have I regretted not staying?

It not only involves him but me. Why did I not swallow my pride?

Because I did not, could not, see myself _with him_ after that. After the truth, who could?

It was _impossible._

Even if my heart and soul _loved _him...

I saw no reason to stay. It was hard and painful. Who could?

It was him that caused this. He, who _stole _my heart, will always have it.

Will he give it back?

Can I _ever _get it back?

I see white. How blurry.

It's my room. But when did it turn white? It used to be turquoise. Just like his eyes...

In a night, even my room changed…

How many more things have changed?

Will change?

I should pull myself back together.

For me, my sister, for my brother…and even _him_…

What is wrong with me why am I restricted…so bound?

It doesn't make sense.

I can move, but I can't, why is that?

Why can I not move?

Wake up.

Wake up…

_Wake up…!_

It's time.

Don't be dumb. Don't be lazy…

Wake up. Why is it still warm? It's winter. How gentle. I feel nice. How nice...

I can smell him…his winter smell. It's fresh and natural, his scent.

Why? I don't know. I'm going crazy. _I am._

I don't care...I shouldn't.

Maybe I am crazy…who knows.

Tell me. What I am? Who I am?

Who are you? Will you be the next replacement?

You are like him. So similar and alike, would you like me to be _yours_?

I still can't tell… but I tell him.

Is it a dream or am I imagining it? Is this what I want?

What _you _want?

What _you _should do? What_ I_ want?

What beautiful face, a masterpiece done by an experienced master sculptor. Such smooth skin. Such peace under his tense muscles.

A touch, so real and so true. Tactile underneath my fingers...

Why does it feel so rich, so true? This is too real. Impossibly, inconceivably real under my hands, my skin. What does this mean?

Ah…a movement. How?

I did not wish it. Am I not _still _dreaming…? I should be dreaming.

What is going on? This is too much. He is moving. The copy of him…

The figment of my imagination is moving, conciously, without my approval.

I can only hope it is not him.

If it is my mind that is playing tricks he should not have _his _eyes.

Those beautiful eyes that pulls me into his hands, his grasp. Let it not be that.

I am _weak _when confronted by those eyes.

It's not him…I am certain…

_But_...I still feel so weak. Just like him, I am worried and pained and self concious...

Its not him.

Am I though? Truly certain that this is not true? Are you?

I don't understand. This is too much. Why?

He moves and talks…just like _him_.

Don't move…_please_.

Tell me this isn't real. Tell me that…the night of soft, gentle pleasure wasn't _real_.

What should I do?

No, stop moving!

Please don't move. Tell me it isn't so.

It will only hurt if it is real.

The reality will hurt.

So, please, don't be real and let it be a figment of my imagination. A mirage that sooths me, to heal me.

So that I may be able to keep up this charade…

Let me have my way.

Don't take this sweet dreams away from me. Let me be innocent of this truth. Let me be ignorant.

Calm your eyes…stranger. Calm them and settle. Rest yourself again and do not conform…to my wishes…

Let it be a lie…a false truth…a joke

But never be a _game_…that involves money…no...

No anything…nothing else...

Let it be seperate.

_Most _of all please, just, let it be me, _only_ me, dreaming of this.

Don't move…don't talk. _Be still_. For me, so I won't lose my mind…and sanity.

His eyes are moving under his lids…no…

Don't. Not now, not when I am not ready, please do not be true.

It's useless…my pleas and begs do not work…

It sets its place on me. The color is again like magic. Bewitching everything...

So blue and green, it attracts all and most, absolutely lures and traps me in.

This isn't true…shouldn't be true.

He moves his eyes more…studying me. Sleep still in his eyes…but he is quick, always was.

He adapts to everything. I see him tense. I can tell…what he will do. I should move…should I?

I try, but I can't. Why is that?

His eyes are holding me. Setting and trapping me, physically.

My mind, my eyes, my body, my heart and my souls it is all his.

I want to be free and to move. Can I?

No…not even if I wanted to. I just let the water forming loose. They caressed my cheeks.

I did not care. Not now, not since the morning's truth…for both of us.

How tired he was, how toll taking it was…for both. Her and him. Me and the you.

His grip is tight. I can't help it. It's too warm. Against the cold wind from nature, it shelters me. His warmth.

This shouldn't be…only more tears.

Tears of what? Joy…happiness…sadness or pain?

I do not know.

I only know that I can't move because of him and also…_me_

I don't want to, my body will not. It is going against my brain

My heart won't slow. It is going faster and _faster_.

_In_ his arms, I am warm,

In _his _arms, I am content.

In his _arms_, I cannot move…

Move.

* * *

Hello. Here is the 6th part (excluding the notice...). They finally meet and are hugging, YAY!

I hope this was good. I spent a pretty good time on it so I hope you like it. The next part will be very much brighter, well less dark and more back to Hitsugaya's cool icy way or Karin's suave attitude, but nonetheless much sweeter since the night…

I'm getting so confused because I am writing and planning another story too. It's not going to be like this type but a real story. With dialogues and stuff. I hate dialogue…well, writing/typing them. It just, I don't know…it is still hitsukarin. Since, right now, for this moment, I am in hitsukarin couple frenzy! I have no idea when it will last. I switch all the time. It won't happen for a while though. I am so intent on finishing this one and starting on the next one. I'm not sure what the title is…still can't find a good one.

Anyway, if there are any question. Please ask! If it gets confusing I am always willing to fix the chapters or write a summary of what happened so far in each of the chapters. -journeyHK826-


	8. Don't Ask Me

Hey everyone, so this is the 7th one…I think…I may be wrong. But it's all good!

12/30/10- it has changed severely.. i think.. i hope that the "" helps; this chapter is Toshiro's thoughts and anything in "" is asked by Karin.

I hope you like it. It's the shortest one too. I think I'm keeping all my promises to update with new chapters and such. I really wanted to put more intimate scenes in a more understanding way but since it's supposed to be poetic and limited by the inner thoughts of the two characters.

-journeyHK826-

* * *

**Don't Ask Me.****(****HT****)**

"Why are you here?"

Don't ask me. Don't. I can't answer that…

You know why. So, please don't ask me.

Tell me you are lying that you don't know why I am here, in your bed…

Don't lie. I know you know…

It's you who else…

"Why?"

Why you ask?

I don't know…what about you?

Are you angry? Sad?

Why do you deny it when you know it and how it affects you?

Your tears, my _love_, why do you cry?

The scream…

What is it they are saying. I can't hear…

Tell me.

Tell me. Not your denial but the truth

_I know._

I know that it is a lie.

You say it's ok.

You say that you love _him_…but it is all a lie.

Then why do your eyes wet and hands tremble.

"Why?"

What do you want? Don't ask me that. I can't answer.

If I do only tears will come.

I want you…

Why do you ask…it's unnecessary.

Will you give me what I want if I say it. Or no?

Again…don't ask me.

Tell me that you feel it. The lingering touch.

But why do deny and ask about it.

Alone...your eyes tell of a lone heart. A pained one.

Why does your eyes say that to me?

Don't be in denial.

Just one time now, then later

Once then, once there, and here.

It is still just once.

Don't deny it.

That's how you like it.

Cruel and brief

Short and simple

Sweet and sour.

Me and you

You and me.

Be mine. Mine only..

Once again. Come back to me.

"Why?"

Don't ask.

IT's not a question for me. Why can't you understand.

Why do you deny when you know.

Everything you can tell.

Through my eyes.

Through the heartbeat of our hearts

So together.

Synchronized.

You feel it don't you.

It's blooming again.

Don't let it fall.

The water from you…

From your gray eyes.

Don't let it fall. Don't ask.

I know the thing I need to do. I have to decide.

You stay still and I will wipe them.

You don't have to ask.

It doesn't' matter

I've seen you.

Before. So many times… in many places.

The bulging tips and the soft layers of her sensitivities…

Let it free. Your tears just let them come.

Let me see you.

Don't ask me

"How?"

"Why?"

"When"

Don't ask me…

Al little preview of the next one…we'll see Karin go back to her old self a little…

Let's make the air warm in this chilly room.

Like your hair, the snow, let's melt the frost laying on my bed.

It grows. This is hard. Hard to breathe.

I don't want to admit…but I have to

I grab him tight and bit.

Why did you turn away?

Why must _I_ turn your head?

I hope it makes you wan to read the next one.

Thanks to all the readers! I'm glad that people read what I write. Makes me feel like an author!

-journeyHK826- :D


	9. It Doesn't Matter

**I'M SO SORRY.** I just arrived home and wasn't able to update because of little children who were on rampage at my house yesterday night. To make it up i am updating two chapters today!

* * *

**It Doesn't Matter**** (KK)**

All the sweet moment was it _real_…?

I can't tell.

Am I happy?

Am I sad?

Angry?

I don't' know.

Not anymore.

An urge I feel it in my heart, my stomach. From the depths of my mind I feel something born.

I lock the door.

I feel the presence of his eyes studying me.

I can tell. Do I know? I don't have to know…

It's simple.

Windows are closed.

I have nothing on.

The thin materials separating us are not matter.

I need it. I know it.

I can't stop.

He came and now he won't be able to escape. He caused it. It's his fault for coming.

He will regret it. Every moment and touch during my rare sleep.

He will regret it for not catching me.

Regret that he couldn't take more advantage of me when i was there. Innocently and with no knowledge.

I hope you are ready.

Leader of 10th squad co. I will make you beyond your limit regret that you were caught.

It doesn't matter. It is gone. The pain the sorrow.

Where has it gone?

I don't' know.

Without a trace it is gone.

How sad…

All that time of moping, led to nothing but his moment.

Should I be happy? Or no?

I can't tell. But I don't care…not anymore.

I will be the man in this relationship.

Relationship? Even if he denies and doesn't wish it…he got it.

Coming his way, a whirlwind…

I will take the chance and lead him.

How young of him.

And he says he should be dominating. How odd of him.

Act like it.

His eyes are curious now.

He watches intently. I walk up to him. It's like gravity pulling me. Towards him, not away.

It's simple, too easy. How easily it comes off. I look at him, stare at his beautiful eyes as my hands explore.

This isn't new. Then why? Why does it feel so new?

I will do this. This will be something that you will never forget…

I bend and eat…

His hands are grabbing my hair tightly.

I see his whole body tense.

His tight grip hurts but I ignore.

It doesn't matter.

No matter if he denies it, it doesn't matter. His body wants it.

My mouth is warm.

His face is red.

Good…feel it dear. You let me go and coming here and having your way will cost you.

Now I'm not about to let you forget so easily how I was and will now be. You will regret it.

Don't push me.

You don't…how surprising

My thoughts were wrong?

Ah his hands…

I can't breathe.

It's hard to breathe.

Ignore it. Just make him let go. Let go and let her lead.

I'm not going to lose. This is a game that two can play.

I will win. I'm too stubborn to quit. And make you regret.

Watch out my dear silver haired man. White hair shimmering. Silver white?

Doesn't matter.

I started it and I will bring it to an end. No one will have a say in it…

Your eyes reveal it. It's coated and you know it.

Let's make the air warm in this chilly room.

Like your hair, the snow, let's melt the frost lying on my bed.

It grows. This is hard. Hard to breathe.

I don't want to admit…but I have to

I grab him tight and bit.

Scream. It should have hurt. I intended that to be like that.

When and how? I want to know I demand to know.

How far did it go?

Was the dream real. The sweet addicting act was real.

I ask. Bluntly. I don't care. He lean

How beautiful, his sculpted abs, his toned muscle, hard and inviting. He stares.

Watch me.

Don't look away.

Until you know who I am. Exactly who I am. Study me and don't turn your head.

Why did you turn away?

Why must I turn your head?

Is it too much? Don't' care. I crawl to him. Begging him.

I sit on his hardness. I wonder?

Will it? Did it?

I set it at the entrance.

No matter, it will adjust. I will adjust. To the size.

Tighter the better.

Don't look at me like that. Don't think I'm forcing myself. You don't get a say. You know why.

So, let me take control just like you at night. I will lead and take beyond I can take. Fully for you. For me.

Get to know me. I don't think you know me. Yet.

Not anymore. It's been a changing week…master.

It doesn't matter, until the end. I won't let him go. Until the end.

Without limit I will make him plunge.

It's raw…

So…

So…can't think…

Why is it that you help?

Why are your hands limiting me.

It makes me trapped, stuck.

Too strong. Why is it you are one out of five men who can pin me down?

Am I weak? Yes, but not only to that, but to you.

In your eyes am I delicate flower?

It doesn't matter. I will take charge and you will be there and seeing. I will make you want more.

Become addicted to it. A drug. Not harmful or illegal. You caused me to be like this.

This is what became of her, me.

It's not my fault, it's yours.

It feels nauseating. But I can't stop. I want more. Need more.

It's arousing. Everything. Just being with him its arousing.

It's done…finally. It's done.

Released, raw and without safety released.

After _hours._

I don't know. It's midday?

Don't care. Doesn't matter.

I don't care. I don't want to move.

Too tired.

I need to feel him once more. Again and again. Just to make sure that it's not a lie. That it was real. We came again.

Once more, we are in the same room.

Just thinking ,I feel the strength to ride one more. Just once more.

I try. It's hard. His hands, strong and tight hold my hands.

Don't stop me.

Don't. I need to know.

I don't care. Anymore…

I don't care. I _need_ to know.

Don't whisper to me the lies.

Don't say it. 'I'm here, don't force yourself. Let me do it'

Force?

Force isn't like this, not when I _want_ to go on, defile myself?

_That's bull_

Who cares.

It doesn't matter anymore.

_Lies or truth. _

It doesn't matter.

I'm not letting go. _I won't._

You are _trapped_.

It doesn't matter.

* * *

So, it's decent I think…Not too bad. Finally I'm glad that Karin came back a little to her old self (it'll be less ooc). I hope it was a good chapter. It is the climax part of this story. I think I'm more leaning towards a happy ending. Any suggestions please do review! Tell what to improve on and such! If the touchiness was too much, tell me and I will change it.

-journeyHK826-


	10. Telling

**Telling ****(HT)**

I still remember it.

That touch. That pleasure. The shivers that ran through my back as she used her self.

I hate them. Especially those who interrupted my thoughts

For heaven's sake why…

Don't look at me like that…it's pointless

I'm not telling.

Your bright blue puppy eyes don't work. You know that.

Why? Why do look brighter. That doesn't matter.

It will be a secret. A secret that I will enjoy by myself.

Why? And what?

It's something I need to know. Something that is a big matter to me.

Finally gone then she comes again. Why?

Just leave. Let me be with these thoughts of her.

Behind her _she_ is hidden. _She_ is here. _Her_ hair swaying.

I can't look away.

I don't want to miss a single moment. I have to absorb her every step, every movement, every breath

It's something that must be done.

Something important. To me. To my life.

To my existence.

Her. My love her black hair sways, oh so gently. It grew.

Why did I not notice then?

Cause then it didn't matter everything was perfect. I just wanted her.

It didn't matter about how she looked.

She is exotic.

She is beautiful

She is an angel.

Angel of seduction

Angel of dreams.

My dreams.

Her walk is light. Light as feather.

She looks so beautiful. But why do formal?

It doesn't make sense. Her gray eyes are soft and strong.

Still with that lust. How like…her

I can't look away.

I can't talk.

_Tell her. _

Tell her _what_?

That I want her again. Next to me.

Forever. Until the end that I need her, can't live without her.

Later. Not now.

I can't tell.

No, not telling.

Stop_ looking _at me like that, _you_ are supposed to help. Your blue eyes, take them away. I don't know what _she_ is thinking either.

Take that smirk away. Nothing happened. Kind of. It's partially a lie.

Just leave. You are supposed to help me! Not patronize me.

Shit.

Don't come closer.

Hey why are _you _closing the door.

Not now my love. Not here.

There is no telling to what I will do. It will be inevitable.

Regrettable? NO

Never. But nonetheless not here.

Don't move like that. Don't close the drapes.

It's not necessary.

Don't. Not like that.

It's too sweet. Too addicting.

Caress me. Again. With your hands and eyes.

Again. You make me throw it away.

My self-control. It is gone.

When you are here. Like this, i can't control it. And you know it.

I hope…I can't guarantee it.

Can't tell you.

Sweet kisses.

Sweet hugs.

Soft flesh.

Mingling. Touching.

Telling?

No telling?

It doesn't matter. Not when it's like this. You are here. With me, you are here.

You came back. And you will stay here.

In the empty office, then the house. It doesn't matter.

You will be with me. In my heart.

My heart, my soul tells me.

It tells me what to do.

Telling me to wait.

Telling me to be patient.

To have control. But what control.

It's bull. It's not needed. I just need her. With me.

Her smile. Her tears, her laugh and her moans. It doesn't matter.

I need her.

It's a given. Don't go away. Keep going.

I need you.

It will suffice. The desk for the bed. Does it matter? No, not when you are here.

My heart is filled. With so much. There is no telling.

When it will explode, no telling.

I won't be gentle. Grab me. Hold me.

Dig into me. Let me feel pain. All the emotions that were vacant. Fill it up again to remind me who we were.

Let it go back.

Let s bring back the sweet urge.

Let it out. The sweet screams. Does the strawberry blonde care? No.

_She_ knows. That is why she left with the door closed.

She knows my need. Need for you.

How much I needed you. She knew and knows. She didn't tell. She wouldn't tell.

But she knew _you_ were for _me_

She supported me when you were gone.

So, shout, scream. Tell me to go on. Harder and faster. Tell me

Telling me, tell me.

Telling you. Tell you.

Order me around.

Don't be my subordinate. Not now, when you just came back. Fill me up again.

There will be no telling what I will do.

No telling.

Let us finish. Enjoy. Go on until the night comes away. All around, not a place will be left clean.

Not a place will be left untouched.

Neither you nor me or anywhere between us.

I need to tell you.

No telling when.

But soon. Not telling

I need you

No telling.

Telling.

* * *

Here is the 9th continuation. It's short…WOW. I am fast. I love winter break! Again forgive me!

But so much CRAP to do. FINALS are coming! EEEEEEKKKK! SAVE ME! Sigh. Well I hope you enjoyed it. I am planning to end it soon in like 10 or less chapters. Then take a break then start on my new story then take a SHORT break then publish it! But who knows. I am unexpected! Muhahha

Thanks for reading!- journeyHK826


	11. Just

MERRY CHRISTMAS! this is my present!

* * *

**Just****… (KK)**

I just wait.

In this office. Quiet and solemn.

It has been some time since I saw him. I miss him. I _just_ do.

She is not here…odd. Unless.

She is inside talking to him.

Her hair bounces as much as her chest does. She comes running to me.

I missed her as well.

A friends and consultant.

She is still sweet.

Her presence comforts me.

She is happy to see me and I also am glad. I missed her.

I made this decision and I will keep it.

I _will_ work again.

Under him…in more than one way

I have to. From that day…

It took me some time but my decision was made.

It's _memory. _

I took a walk on the memory lane and am planning to stay there.

Why not?

He's there

I need him there.

It's the same. This place. So cold and plain.

So him…just like him.

He _is in_ there.

She smiles. I blush, he is _here_...

Don't ask me what happened.

Did we make up? I don't know. Maybe, maybe not.

It depends how you put makeup.

But that doesn't matter I plan on making him come.

Her blue eyes twinkle. I'm glad that she is the same.

Except that she works. Odd. She never does.

I want to see him. I can't stop but look at the doorway. She smirks. I blush.

Do I want to see him?

Yes.

I really do.

Can you take me to him?

He sits there. With a frown. How attractive. Only he can pull it off.

He is shocked

Does he not want _me_?

The door close. I think. She left. So, we can be alone…

It's silent.

Only my footsteps as I go near him.

I feel nervous…

An interview?

But I don't think that will happen.

I feel warm. The feelings and tension from the days ago is still lingering.

I missed him.

Don't trip

Don't fall.

Be natural.

I feel weak. He looks at me. Studies me.

Why? Say something.

Let me hear your voice.

I really do want to hear it.

_Can_ I sit here?

I do. I want to lean.

I lean forward. To him to his fragrance, his icy winter fragrance.

I came here, to this place, to him, to work.

Under him.

For _him._

Just to be next to him.

Why? I don't know.

I just want to be with him.

I make excuses.

I told him that it was a hair. I just wanted to.

Just wanted to touch him. To make sure that he was real.

That he was alive and that it wasn't an allusion

Not a mirage but the truth.

I sit back down. Did I?

Where did I sit back down? I don't even know

I just sat down. Where?

Act natural. Act like a professional.

Get this job.

Don't mess this up. Be you. Be the person you were. The person that you will be her.

Return, recover, restoration.

Be _her_ again.

Capture his attention.

I just do. No, why? Or how.

I just want to stay with him. Near him, in any way and form.

Touch me with your callous hands. Don't let the desk refrain you.

There is nothing on your desk. As usual.

As it did time ago. It is the same.

Jealously? I have them, at him for him towards him.

Why?

I just do.

It may be love, envy or lust. But…

I just do.

Move your hands against me. Feel me again.

Let us go back to _recreate_ something.

I want it.

I _really_ do.

I really _just_ do.

Don't be like that.

Don't tell me I don't know what I am asking for. I know.

I really do know what I want. Even since my last tears, I know.

I found out. It was something that I did, something I made decisions to

You can't stop me. Push me, or pull me. It is your choice. If you want to take

Take it.

It only takes one form of physics.

My legs are cold. Warm me up.

With your hands. Warm me.

I'm cold. It's these forsaken clothes.

Why a skirt. I wanted to.

Why? I just did. Why?

I just wanted to. Have a higher position? To have a higher chance?

Maybe.

It doesn't matter. Not right now.

We are close. Too close to matter. It is really inevitable.

I want it.

I _just _do.

Order me. I am yours.

A subordinate a worker.

Work me. In anyway, use me, work me, and order me.

Such bliss. What can I say?

What should I tell you to do? When did we skip and exchange our places.

Order me, not the other way.

Touch me. Let not one place not be left alone.

Indulge me.

Devour me.

Take me away.

Is it really?

Why? I don't know. It just will be.

I want it.

I just want it.

Caress me. In this place.

Let's start again. Once more. It's important. Why?

It just is.

Touch me. Feel me. Control me.

I am yours again.

It won't matter. Not anymore. I gave up.

It's useless. It just is.

It's been too long to remember. Indulge yourself.

Take me. With your hands with your tounge.

Take me away. _Far away._

Into your world again. Just once again.

Once and forever.

Let's indulge ourselves.

I need you. I really do. Let's stay…

I want to.

I really do.

I just really do.

Just…

* * *

HEHEHEHHEHE. It's the big one zero. Yay! I thought it would only be in the single digits but it's more! Well. I will work on the next one soon! To ALL the readers THANK YOU so much for reading!

here is a short preview of the next one **Fill This Empty Room. (HT)**

Fill this room.

Plant a new seed.

In this empty place and fill it with...you

Change this place, away from me,

Take my cold, cold heart and warm it.

This place needs you.

Only you can fill it up.

this empty room.

Fill it with your sweet voice

–journeyHK826


	12. Fill This Empty Room

**Fill This Empty Room ****(HT)**

Fill this room.

Fill this room with your warmth. Take me far back into the dream, into an everlasting dream.

I don't want to_ feel_ cold again.

You took away this icy wall from my heart.

So, again fill this room, this house, this place with your fire.

A fire so hot and colored, taint and melt my coldness away.

Melt my ice away from me. Take me far away.

It's not enough. Come to me, in my bed, in my resting place.

Plant a new seed.

In this empty place and fill it with...you

Nothing else but you I'll make this place better, so much sweeter and gentle

Change this place, away from me.

Turn it around to make this place yours, not mine.

No, ours.

This is sweet but I want it to last.

Forever and ever, I want it to last.

Can you make the temperature rise?

Make the presence of others go away.

Disappear from this place.

Make the presence of others; replace it with your own.

How sweet and gentle.

So much fire and passion

Take my cold, cold heart and warm it.

Again, thaw it back raw. Let me feel alive again.

Under your skin, under our smile and your life

I need you.

This place needs you. This room is cold without you. Empty and utterly lonely

Only you can fill it up

Fill it up with happiness and emotions.

Smiles and fire

Tears and ice

Replace all the ice and snow.

Turn it upside down so that you can make it your own. Once again

In this place, like a dream, you will sow something beautiful. Magnificent

_Only_ you

Fill this place up with your love, with me.

Let me know that you will stay.

Let this place know that it won't change. The dreams of a misunderstood man will stay the same.

Take this place and let it burn.

Burn it all up with your fire. Let it be something that only you can do.

No, it is something that only _you_ can do.

Burn me.

Change me.

Fill this place.

Fill this empty place with your fire.

With you, a sweet, sweet fire fills this empty room.

This cold room, will you change it?

Will you take it away and strip it of its old self and transfer your warmth into it.

Can you make this a reality?

Is this true, that I am able to hold you again

To dream again, with you in this place

A place, where it was empty, now, it is full.

So full of love, dreams, laughter, breath and you

It's sweet and subtle.

So with attitude

No more games and no more just.

I need to know. What it is, I need to know.

What leads both of us?

What can make this place a different place?

Somewhere with you, make this place a place I won't be surrounded by more ice.

Let it melt, let there be a flowing river.

Not a frozen river.

Let there be blooming flower

That is surrounded by warmth not the freezing particles of the snow.

I wonder and dream

With you by my side

You fill this place up.

This room has changed, again.

Once then, now again

It is you.

You made a difference.

You made a change in us.

The empty room

This empty place, this habitation is now filled with not only me but you.

Possibly more…but that is a dream.

A sweet dream, a dream that is enough

Fill it with your sweet voice

Fill it with your sweet screams, shouts.

Let it fill with your emotions and laughter.

Let even this empty place know what it is to be loved again.

Fill this place. This empty room

Oh my sweet love, you are my life.

Anything from the past, let it not bother us, but bring us closer.

Everything doesn't matter now.

Only you and your love, just know that it is the truth, no more game, no more lies.

Let us fill this place with the truth.

A truth that even we can't escape

The truth that even my own icy heart cannot resist from the fire

The burning passion urging and pressing into my life

I won't push away. Why would I?

That would e suicidal. It would defeat the purpose of my life, my goal.

You will fill this place.

You will fill my heart.

It will become full once again. My heart

The ice will be no more and once again. I will not that not even you will be able to stop my needs

It's been too long, your presence that has left me those years ago.

It will come back now. Back to me

Back in this room

I will once again know that we are together. In this room

As it fills up again, with so much fire

The ice will melt and the flowers and life will thrive again

In my heart and my soul

In my life and dreams

In emptiness

The lonely room…

Fill this place.

Fill this room.

With your love

With your presence

_Fill this empty room_

* * *

I had a hard time putting this into words. It took me like multiple times and in the end had to write Poetic Thoughts 14 first then this one. The ideas just wouldn't transfer into words, I got SO frustrated…

It might be a little weird but I think this is a REVELATION! hahaha

I thought this was appropriate because of the content. Like the chapter before _Empty Room_, it talks about his heart and his condition and his grand apartment. I think this is, again, **a revelation**, to the coming chapters. It still isn't late to tell me what kind of ending you would like to see.

Till next time.

Sincerely, journeyHK826


	13. Why?

**Why? ****(KK)**

Let it burn. Burn all the way through.

To my heart, let it burn.

It's sweet

I wonder why?

Why the preparations and the questions?

Why are you nervous?

Why are you unsure…?

What caused you to be like this?

It _hurts_ more than you know.

My heart might burst...

Why don't you tell me?

_Just_ say it?

Why do your eyes waver?

Do you regret your decisions?

Do you regret taking me back?

Why are your eyes evading me?

Why are your beautiful eyes not looking at me?

What is it that you have to say?

What makes your heart waver.

What should I do?

How am I supposed to answer?

It makes me wonder.

Did something happen? Did something cause this?

This discomfort...why?

Have I done something to cause you to be like this?

Am I not good enough?

Everything has passed no?

I have ended it with _him_.

I am completely yours

You promised me.

A pain comes and I can't stop.

Tell me. Say something.

Anything

Reassure me that it is something that can be fixed.

My chest is tight as you look away. What should I do?

Am I the cause?

Don't look away. Why do you look at me like that? Why do you not look at me?

Do you not want me?

Do you not care?

Is is once again a game?

Something that was fun.

Will you abandon me once again. Kill me once again.

Tell me.

Say something. Time passes, so slowly

In this place, a special place. It is empty. I know why?

It feels so _empty_

But what is the purpose.

If I was going to be abandoned why not with an audience.

I hope it was worth more than before. Am I not worthy enough that?

Tell me something. Anything.

Your decisions I will take.

Tell me

Something

Anything.

Were my feelings not enough.

_Am I not enough?_

Why are you nervous?

Why are you unsure…?

What is causing you to be like this?

Is it _me_?

Is it _her_?

Tell _me_.

I want to know.

I _need _to know.

My heart feels like it will burst.

A knife to my neck cutting, slitting. Slowly and painfully.

My body can't take it.

I can't breathe.

Let me go.

Lie to me. Tell me it won't happen.

Lie to me

_Lie_

_To_

_Me_

Tell me it isn't something like that.

Still why is it empty.

So dark and lonely.

Will you make me go back to how I was? Is this how I will be?

Why are you nervous?

Why are you unsure…?

Unsure of what?

For me, everything

Everything around me at this moment.

I couldn't' stop it

The eyes are closed but they still.

No…

…

Stop.

No more

Stop.

Don't talk

Don't say it.

No.

Why are you unsure.

Don't say it isn't so.

Tell me with your eyes.

Tell me with your heart.

What is true and what is a lie.

Say it and speak it to me.

Joy…

Happiness.

Tears…

Why?

* * *

I'm really sorry this is SUPER short. I could not figure out how to end this and connect it with the next Thought. Well. I hope you enjoyed it. - journeyHK826


	14. What Will She Say?

1074 in total words, excluding the title and my commentary…but I wanted to end at 1000 but it didn't' work out… but that is not the point…WELL ENJOY!

* * *

**What will she say?**** (HT)**

What will she say?

What will she say, to _me_?

I want to know?

The answer to my question, but why is it that so many other questions comes?

Is it just lust? Is it just need?

Why won't these thoughts go away?

These unanswered questions…

These possibilities are infinite because I deserve it.

I deserve to be so nervous, so unsure…

All the pain I have caused…to you, my love…

As I think about it, it pains me that I wasn't able to protect you, to reach out to you when you needed it

But will I be able to handle it if she is gone from me…my love, will I be able to live lonely and without you?

All again…but I know… that If I don't try I will never know. Will I be letting go again?

I want to know what she will say

Say to me, the answer to my question.

It's important.

I want, need to know.

What will she _say_…?

Your eyes, so gray and soft

It melts all the ice surrounding my heart.

My mind so cold, so frozen on the answer to this coming question

I'm nervous. About you, about me…_about us_

What will happen? What will happen after this?

Will you say yes?

Will you say no?

Whatever the answer I don't know

I'm nervous, about the future, the present and even the past.

Will the future have you? With me or without me?

Yours, mine, I don't know.

The present, how do you see me? Have you forgotten the past?

Will the past come back to haunt us?

Haunt me and patronize you?

I'm afraid of the consequences, whatever that may be. I'm afraid of what will be and what could be.

Is it natural for me?

I never felt like this during the time we were separate. Before and after

Only you, you make me like this.

What will you say to me?

What will your reply be?

Will this small object shake her core? Will it shake her heart closer to me?

I wonder. Your eyes, I can't tell, your gray eyes, just pulls me in. I want to know.

What the answer.

I wish I could know the future. It will be much better. For me, for you, even for everyone around us

You smile. Again, you smile, how beautiful, it pulls me in.

Pull me in more.

More into your arms, into your presence, pull me in.

Your figure is so small, so fragile. I need to protect, will you let me?

Let me be with you, will you let me protect you properly so that no one will come and hurt you?

Will you come to me, with m, forever be with me?

Can I only guess what the answer would be?

I want to know.

What the answer is?

What the answer would be?

Can I put words into your mouth? To suit my needs?

What will you say?

All I can ask myself and others is only that question…

What will she say…?

You pull me in and I can't pull back out. I can't.

_I won't._

It's impossible. Unpredictable

Your puzzling eyes, when should I say it?

When should I ask it? I can't seem to decide when it should be told?

Will you tell me with your addicting voice?

The voice you will raise to regard or disregard me.

The voice you will use to caress or kill me.

You will decide my fate.

You can only show me my future.

It is something that will happen no?

My love for you is so great.

What will you say when I present you this stone.

Will you agree at the color?

I wanted it to be special. For you only

Created for you, to adorn your hands, your fingers

If it isn't you, then no one will suffice.

You should know.

How do I know?

What you will say?

When I should ask you?

What will you say?

Yes

No

Maybe, Later

What will be your answer?

What? Your gray eyes are like a pool of water that pulls me in.

Like the black hole. Infinite and murky

Murky? Because of the unsure answers behind your heart, behind your eyes

But you are so infinite and beautiful, something that I can't hold…

So, different, you can't be captured by my cold eyes, or my icy heart…no I wouldn't be able to bear that

So, in your eyes I search. For the answer to my question

Have I asked it, not yet, but still?

I want to know, how you will move your lips, how you will use your voice to answer me

What will these soft lips tell me?

Can I guess?

I can't, no; I couldn't find the answer to my question.

I want to hear it. Badly

Will you?

Will you?

What will you say?

My heart is about to rip.

I want to hear it.

Badly

What should I say?

So confused

So unsure

Never in my life have I been like this.

You make me this way. How cruel. How bewitching. But I'm hooked.

You have me.

Will you?

What will you say?

What will she say?

What does your heart want?

Am I worthy?

Am I worthy enough to take it? Your hands.

Am I the one who can make you happy?

I wonder. It is something that only you can answer me.

What will you say?

I want to know. It is something that I can't seem to guess.

No? Yes?

Both answers horrify me.

What…

What will you say?

Mouth it, write it.

But, don't tell me.

Not with your voice, your sweet, sweet voice.

Like singing, I wonder. Don't sing it. Don't say it.

I want to know.

Want to know the words that will come out from your mouth.

Using your voice, will the future end

Using your gray eyes and addicting voice, will you end my life?

What words will come from your lips?

It is something that I won't know.

Unless you tell me

I cannot begin to understand the

What will you say?

Will you…

Will...

You…

Marry…

Me…?

What will you say?

The only thing that is in my mind, etched so deeply is the question...

Waiting patiently for you, your answer

This question it fills my heart, it fills my soul, my mind…

This is the question…

_What will she say?_

* * *

This is the second to last thought but I might do a little epilogue mixed with _HT _and **KK**.

To all the readers who have read this so far, I'm **really grateful **and glad that the readers enjoyed it. When I first posted this, I didn't really have a big hope for it. I thought it would be confusing and difficult to understand because it is something that (what I thought to be) is unusual and confusing. **Thank you for all the sweet/encouraging comments**! Your support throughout really just gave me a vision… (I think…not sure how to put this…)

See you at the last Thought! - journeyHK826 ;3


	15. I Love You

This is the FINAL chapter of the Poetic Thoughts! and Happpy LATE New Year!

I am really glad of all the readers who have supported and have read what I wrote. This is in Karin and Toshiro's Thoughts…

**Karin will be in bold **

_Toshiro will be in italics_

Enjoy! –_journeyHK826_

also to :

**LuNaShinRa**: i'm sorry that it's so confusing...I know that many others have questions. Lo siento. .

**T.H.E.S.R:** Thank you for reading and for your wonderful comment! ^^

**xBleachxAddictx**: Thanks for being so sweet and kind to an ammature writer:moi! thank you! :]

**penholder4**: Thank you for your sweet words(it made my new years ;] )! made me feel accomplished.! I'm glad that you enjoyed it! I will try to create another one like this.

* * *

**I love you.** (**KK**)(_HT_)

**This moment is something that I thought would never happen…**

_She is with me…_

**He is here in the same place.**

_I can hear the soft laughter and sweet words that come from everyone._

**I can feel the moment closer and closer.**

_My mind is blank_

**It is time…am I ready? To accept, I am**

_The music starts…is she coming? she does_

**His eyes hold me captive again. All over again, in a cycle...**

_She is coming…walking towards me._

**Can it be? Is it true? Is this really reality?**

_This is not a dream…_

**She is finally here, the day is here, the day we will be together and joined.**

_A family created, you don't know how much I wished this…my love_

**His stare makes me hot, so noticed, so it really is happening…**

_She is the jewel that I will have forever and ever._

**Finally, when it is the climax, will it just be a dream and then will I wake up to find…just me**

_She is the sweetest thing that I can hold._

**His hands are still and his body stiff. I wonder?**

_Like an angel, I finally have her captured, in my heart in my soul, in my life; she is mine…forever till my death_

**Is he nervous, how sweet?**

_She is shy, it is the day._

**Let's take this in and savor everything…slowly and treasure it.**

_I make you like this, just me, something that I want to keep as a fact, forever true_

**Your cold cool my everything down, my life, my attitude, my passion, just me…you make me normal**

_How is it that a fire like you, so uncontrollable and free will be mine._

**An icy statue so subtle, so strong**

_Such person for me, passion wields you. I am content in watching…even from a far._

**You cool me down in every way…**

_Captured in my ice_

**My heart, forever trapped, happily**

_I can hear the grunts of her family, the cries and the whines._

**I can just tell that soon the orange head of his will pop, but he will be calm, it is my day…finally the day **

_She is coming, oh so closer and closer._

**From planning to planning and fitting to fitting**

_Worrying and working…I tried to keep my thoughts away. Now the last days will be forgotten and the days of sweet coming to is here. With her_

**From dreaming to dreams, I can tell him. Under his gaze I can say…**

_I can't let her go, though. Not anymore…I will hold her forever and ever._

**He smiles, and I feel my heart go faster. It has been like this since the day I met him. **

_As this day came closer and closer I can feel my heart burst bit by bit. Just to be with her here in this lifetime_

**It may have been by accident or not**

_Of the past I do not care. not when she is here with me._

**I just know that my feelings are true and I can't stop it. not anymore…**

_She is walking ever so closer…this need will it ever be quenched_

**My love, my love, your beautiful green-blue eyes have captured me forever till the end.**

_Even if I have her with me, as mine, it will never be fulfilled._

**Such a flame was light and now, in this place we will end a story just to begin another.**

_It will go on and on with her, with her she will have my soul._

**Our life, will it start peaceful, just with love, without any known disturbance...**

_I belong to her._

**I belong to him.**

_She is ever so close, her lips so warm, _

**The distractions there doesn't matter only the beautiful moment with him matter**

_My life seems so futile with her._

**Vows are said and the kiss finally deepened until breath was needed, I'm complete.**

_Nothing matter not anymore, she is here in front of me_

**He is here in front of me, finally bound by this ring, so carved delicately, created for me**

_The fire I can hold now, in my arms, with my love_

**What I need he is here, with me, can I finally warm your frozen heart?**

_I love her _

**I love him**

_forever_

**forever**

_**I love you.**_

* * *

So hello readers, who are interested in another HITSUKARIN (I AM! :D), I am currently working on a story regarding them…it is rated M with lemons(attempt to). Since I have wrote several chapters already, it will be updated soon, but updates of a week or shorter from Poetic Thoughts will not apply for this new was posted together with this last Thought!

Nonetheless, the story is titled **Good Day to Fall in Love**. (GDFL)- forget this though…

Anywho…this story takes place in a LA type city, I don't even know what it is…I'm sorry for this…but it is AU. I'm making it up…oh well, it is fiction… (If I make reference to LA just ignore me…) It is not a shingami story type, more mafia, with art and love. Several changes were made…major change…to suit the plot. I'm making this M, there will be lemons, it will be a story, and it is third person…it's hard…sniff, sniff.

* * *

So here is a small preview of the first chapter, (**Fateful Meeting**)…

She was beautiful. Her raven haired shimmered like pure coal. Her gray eyes concentrated on his son, trying to make him breathe again.

He saw her strong neckline and her small hands, pale and red from the cold water. She was swaying her whole boy and on her beautiful face was a frown. She was frustrated. He saw the utter worry in her captivating gray eyes.

_How beautiful…_

_the prologue is already posted. the First chapter will be posted tomorrow or on Monday. I hope you will like this story! Thank you - journeyHK826 (but i might post it today if i finish editing it! please review and tell me if it's ok!) /^O^/_


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